Thursday, December 9, 2010

Playing Catchup with Reverb10, 12/5: Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

For whatever reason, it's hard for me to let go of things and easy for me to let go of people (when they hurt me, that is). The funny thing is, earlier this year I wrote about letting go (and later copied what I wrote onto this blog). But I wrote that before I had to let go of...well, a sort of relationship, one I'd been hanging on to for far too long. Thing is, I didn't let go of this person of my own accord...but once she forced me out of our relationship, at least it was pretty darn easy for me to say "so long, chica".

Let's see if I can make a long story short. We'll call this girl Tee. She was my step-cousin--my uncle dated her mom starting when I was maybe 10 or 11 and married her when I was I think 12 or 13. I was the quintessential nerd and Tee was, well, not. Thankfully I grew into myself a bit in high school, but I still always felt awkward around her with her dyed hair and makeup and cute clothes and curvy little body. To be honest, Tee possibly talked all sorts of shit about me back then...I'll never know. But I don't think she ever did anything outright mean to me...the worst she ever put me through (that I know of) was dating a guy she knew I had a crush on. But we were 14 (me) and 13 (her), so really, what does that matter?

After high school and me moving away to college, Tee and I drifted, as happens with high school friends and younger cousins and the like. No big deal. Eventually her mom and my uncle separated and divorced, but Tee and I kept in touch...through the ubiquitous MySpace/Facebook and through random visits once in a great while. At one point she asked me to be in her wedding, but then a few months later told me she wasn't going to have a big wedding. They were going to do a destination wedding, on a cruise maybe, something small. Fine. Because personally, I hate being in weddings. I won't get into that now, but trust me, it didn't break my heart when Tee said she didn't need me as a bridesmaid anymore.

But then I stopped hearing from her altogether. And then I found out that she did get married, and she did have a big wedding with a big wedding party. And she didn't invite me at all. I swear, I think she was afraid to tell me the truth--that being that she either didn't want me there for some reason, or couldn't afford me to be there. I wasn't angry about not being invited--I was upset over the lie.

Still, what did it matter in the grand scheme of things? We were close in high school and weren't anymore, end of story. I let it go. When Tee came back around and wanted to be buddies, I accepted her, no questions asked. When she got divorced (something I'd already been through) I talked to her about it when she needed to talk. Eventually we began to lose touch again, only randomly speaking through Facebook. Then I got engaged and one day, about a month or a month and a half after that...Tee went absolutely nuts on me! And of course...this all happened on Facebook. I had friends calling me and telling me that she was saying awful things, and when I asked one of them to send me the screenshot of what she was saying--on her Facebook wall, where hundreds of people including mutual friends and acquaintances could see it--was horrible. Horrible, and untrue. I texted her and told her to take it down, immediately. She never responded to my texts, but according to my friend she did delete what she had written.

Anyway, this was a lot longer than I wanted it to be, but I promise that I'm about to make a point ;o) That being, I probably should have realized what this person was capable of when she lied to me about her own wedding. I should have let her go then, realized that the mere semblance of a friendship that existed between us simply wasn't worth the trouble it would eventually cause. But I didn't, and instead I had to deal with her blasting me...on Facebook. Hopefully she's the one who looked bad in doing so--one would think that would be the case. Especially as she flipped the way she did so...out of the blue. I don't think we had even spoken in months, and every previous conversation had been normal and/or positive.

Regardless, that's how I came to let go of a person I considered not only a friend, but a family member. And as she's the only person I really had to let go of this year...that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it ;o) Pin It

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