I have fought with myself a bit over which old blog entries I will include here...because I started writing in a blog not long after I married Ex, and at that time I was not yet jaded about our relationship. Which means I wrote some very positive things about him. But isn't that how relationships are? Should we really push all positive memories of a former significant other out of our minds? I think not, so I've decided to share the following blog entry.
For so long I was this complete romantic idiot who believed that being in love with someone would be absolutely perfect. There would rarely, if ever, be arguments, and there would be this perfect passion every time we so much as kissed. But as every day passes, I realize that true love is not like that. To begin an explanation of what I mean, I will include a very small excerpt from something I wrote. To give a bit of background on this excerpt, right before it the main character Bree had an argument with her fiance Connor, and immediately following this argument her aunt called to tell her that she would not be coming to their wedding. Bree was extremely upset about all of this, not to mention stressed out because of the wedding; however, she arrived home later that evening to find Connor there, waiting to comfort her...
"I was still too tired and upset to smile, but at that moment I realized why it was that I was marrying Connor. I knew he was not the type of person that awakened every emotional and physical passion within me—he was not the one that lit fires inside of me. That person had been Adam. But had Adam and I been in the current situation, he would not have driven over an hour out of his way just to hold me and talk to me and make me feel better.
You see, girls don’t marry the boys that light fires inside of them—they become women and marry men like Connor, men who, in all of those small, yet very important, ways, are made just for them."
When I first met Ex, it was by no means love at first sight. It was more like...the longer I knew him, the more time we spent together, the more I learned about him, the more I loved him - until at some indeterminable point, I fell IN love with him. I don't by any means regret marrying him, because I know that we were meant to marry each other, but still, even when I was standing beside him on our wedding day, I thought that I was marrying him because I was completely in love with him. Right now, though, I realize that I did not know at that time what true love was.
True love is waking up every weekday morning at 7:20 AM to him rubbing my back, so that we can tell each other "I love you" and share a kiss before he leaves for work.
True love is setting aside an hour or two a day during which I make sure that I have a decent dinner ready for him when he gets home from work.
True love is sitting on the couch together watching a movie, and eventually moving our hands together so that even if we aren't holding hands, we're touching.
True love is cuddling up next to each other every night when we crawl into bed together.
True love is just sitting around and bullshitting about nothing, because all that really matters is that we're having a decent conversation.
There are so many other things...I wish I could make people understand. So many married couples told me that I would never understand what true love, what truly being in love was, until I was married for some time. They were right.
Now, the above entry was something I heartily believed when I wrote it in June 2004, not even a month after mine and Ex's one-year wedding anniversary. Do I still believe some of it? Yes, of course. I believe that only time with a person can show you the wonderful sort of love you'll have with the man or woman who is right for you. But as I've since found someone who can give me all of that everyday love yet still light fires in me, I don't agree with what I wrote about not marrying someone who does as much.
The fact of the matter is, I simply married the wrong person the first time around. But at least I can admit that.