Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Writer's Block Wednesday: Men's Gift Guides

So I read an article a few days ago. It was funny, and I enjoyed it. But after reading it...I couldn't stop thinking about it. Because this article described the man that men's gift guides cater to, clearly insinuating that such a man cannot exist...and I realized pretty quickly that he, in fact, does.

And that I am married to him.

Now don't get me wrong - there are surely a few things on these men's gift guides, here and there, that Steve wouldn't want. But generally? He is pretty close to the man that they write those gift guides for.

If he had time to shave with a straight razor, he would. Though any sort of scented skin tonic would be out, because - no lie - he produces some sort of pheromone that makes him never smell bad. I know, I know, that doesn't make sense. But it's true. Trust me.

We own a cast iron skillet, and though it was a gift to me, he's the one who uses it most often. If he could eat bacon for breakfast every day, he would. (Honestly, come on...who wouldn't? Other than vegetarians, of course.) So while I'm not sure I'd purchase him or any other man a cast iron skillet, why not buy him a bunch of fancy bacon or bacon-related items as gifts?


Though we are staunchly against those coffee machines that make one cup at a time (we call them Katie Keurigs, though you may not want to ask why), we do have a fancy coffee machine. In which we put whole-bean coffee that is ground with a burr grinder. It's amazing. In the summer, Steve even makes [frozen] coffee cubes out of the leftover coffee. Moral of the story: don't ever knock a fancy coffee machine, or giving such a thing to a man. If that man is anything like Steve, I mean. Though we purchased ours together when our last coffee machine gave out, I did in fact purchase Steve a nice Breville espresso machine for our first Christmas together, and he loved it as a gift and he loves it now as a kitchen accessory.

Though PJs - even plaid ones - are out, a nice bathrobe or fancy slippers are always, always in. Video games? Are we really knocking video games/video gaming items as gifts for a man? That was my Christmas gift to Steve for our third Christmas together, after all...a gaming system and some games. And if he could lounge around in a comfy bathrobe and slippers and play on his PS3 all day, you bet he would. Shoot, sometimes he DOES...on weekends, anyway.

Desk items are never a bad thing. Every man should have a fancy nameplate for his desk at work, and recently, after Steve admitted to me that people at his job kept acting shocked when they found out that he was married (he is an engineer and works on the floor and therefore can't wear a wedding ring; knowing that he didn't have children, people were assuming that he wasn't married, either), I decided to make him a desk calendar on Shutterfly. More useful than a picture in a frame, and at least now people will know that he has a significant significant other. (Yes, I intended to use that word twice.)


Now, before reading this article I had no idea what a tiffin was. I actually had to Google the word, and then look at images because the definition still didn't seem to fit. But once I found them, I fell in love. And yes, Steve would love these things as well, if I could get him to pack his own lunch. Sadly (for him), I am not the type of wife who feels it necessary to pack a lunch for her husband. I'll cook a dinner no problem, but lunch is his responsibility. Therefore...he doesn't pack one. But if he did, it would absolutely need to be in one of these:



So I ask you, why make fun of something so awesome? ;)

Of course, the one major difference between Steve and the Fictional Man who wants the items on these lists is that Steve has a job. One that requires him to be at work, actually working, for an average of 50 hours a week. If he didn't have that job? Well, then craft beer brewing, building a woodworking shop, reading books about World War Two and/or jazz, rerouting the electricity in our home, playing with his million gadgets, and whittling bar stools would definitely be up there as favorite past times of his. (Additional to the video games, of course.)

And do we really have to talk about why someone wouldn't like fancy chocolate...be it from Switzerland, Belgium, Madagascar...wherever? I'd also like to meet a man who hasn't dreamed about deep frying a turkey, because pretty much every guy I know has mentioned it at least once...if he's ever been asked about cooking a turkey, that is.

I suppose my point is that while not every single gift on those men's gift guides will fit every single man...there are certainly men out there who want to eat fancy bacon and chocolate from their awesome tiffins, build things that they don't really need, learn about things they don't need to know about, put together ridiculously expensive layered outfits from Banana Republic, and top it all off with a hat.


...but here's a hint: It only works if you're a really great guy and awesome enough to pull it all off ;)
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