Monday, April 27, 2015

Monday Confessions

I confess...I'm really trying to be better about writing in this blog. I just have to find my stride with it, again...

I confess...the idea that I'll actually finish everything I that I need to do this week is kind of laughable.

I car and house are full of stuff for Ice & Fire Con and I seriously can't wait for the convention just so I can get rid of all of it. Pin It

Sunday, April 26, 2015


It's actually not Sunday Funday in that way ^^^,  but I do feel really good today...and I thought that after my recent entry about my anxiety, I should highlight what a good day is like for me.

Was it perfect? Nah. I'm struggling with reviewing Game of Thrones tonight, though I can't say much about that right now. I'd also hoped to take my bike downtown and do some reading/writing in the park, but I'd forgotten that I needed to finish some yard work (which was delayed from yesterday due to rain). I did finally get my tires pumped up, and I took a quick spin around the neighborhood, so that was fun. I also ran and rowed today, and then spent most of my afternoon finishing up said yard work.

In between all that, I re-watched some of the first season of Kuroko no Basket and fell even more in love with it than I already was. (Seriously, new obsession there.)

I also got some really happy news about Ice & Fire on second thought, maybe I will turn this into a true Sunday Funday and  reward myself with a celebratory drink this evening ;)

In conclusion, I realized just how Kiyoshi I am when I found this little gem from the very first Ice & Fire Con program (which I wrote up over two years ago, long before I started watching KnB). So I had to slap it on a picture of my boy and share.

So that's what a good day is like. Getting some good news, even though that news doesn't change my personal messes, it's good for this convention, this baby of mine that I love. Getting some things done, maybe not as much as I should have, but what I can at least deem to be "enough". And just generally being active, while still allowing myself a pause here and there to enjoy the little things, like chatting with friends or watching basketball anime.

Drink or no drink, it's Sunday Funday no matter what, at least for me :) Pin It

Friday, April 24, 2015

Seven Thoughts About *My* Anxiety

There was an article floating around this week that caught my attention - "13 Things to Remember If You Love a Person With Anxiety". It's actually a really good article, but for me it was also a reminder that the biggest thing to remember when dealing with a person who struggles with anxiety (or other mental health problems) is that everyone is different.

I mean, of course I'm much more than my anxiety, and of course I want others to understand that...but I think it's also important to note that a lot of times, I myself feel like that's all I am. An elastic band, if you will, that is constantly being stretched and stretched and stretched and yet somehow never fully snapping. Most days I don't even know how I don't snap. It's certainly not medication, because they refuse to put me on anything that's strictly for anxiety (which is maddening in and of itself, but let's not go there right now, I guess).

Unfortunately I went a long time without realizing that I even had generalized anxiety. I was lucky that it was something I could live with for a very long time, though I guarantee I've screwed up plenty of relationships/friendships and made silly decisions because of it. Because I didn't know what it was, why I felt the way I did, why I did the things I did. I'm certainly not blaming it for every problem I've had; far from it. But the fact remains that if I'd recognized and sought treatment for it sooner, I may not have hit the low point that I did last year.

That's a lot of could'ves and should'ves, though. And that's one of the things I have to recognize - I've questioned and second-guessed a lot of things because of my anxiety, and I continue to do so. The difference is, nowadays, more often than not, I realize what I'm doing and can at least try to overcome all the self-doubt and worry.

I don't really know about anyone else, but for me it's insanely important for people to tell me what they want from me. Obviously I may not always be able to do it or say it. I may not be able to answer every question. But the only thing that can help with the over-thinking is to know, even if it's something I'd rather not hear. And if it's something good, seriously, why wouldn't you share? Regardless, to sample that silly list that probably originated on Pinterest - if you want to be understood, explain.

Today is one of those days when my anxiety has exhausted me. It's been building up for over a week now, and even after spending this past weekend laid up with a minor knee injury and getting plenty of sleep, I feel mentally and physically drained. What can I say? Being in this constantly overwhelmed state is more than I can handle, and I don't want to burden my friends too much with my over-thinking, which means that I'm staying inside my own head far more than I should. (And yes, that's usually how it works with me.) So if I'm not talking to you, but you want to talk to me, more often than not you're probably going to have to be the one to start the conversation. It's something I'm getting better about, not avoiding my friends when I need them...but there's still a lot of work to be done.

Thankfully I have a sanctuary in my home, and in my pets. I wish that every person who suffered from anxiety could have something like that, and if you do, you should count yourself lucky, I think. I know I do, possibly because I never realized the importance of having a sanctuary until I understood just how safe (perhaps sometimes too safe) I felt in my home. Especially with a dog or cat in my lap ;)

Queen of my life

Every day seems to bring another struggle, be it new or old, to the forefront, but if I've learned anything the past year it's that eventually things will be okay. Sometimes it takes a lot more than it should to remind myself of that, but hey, nothing is going to change overnight, and I've generally accepted that my problems with anxiety will never completely go away.

But then, maybe that's what it's all about. Acceptance. Because I think acceptance really can bring peace, if you let it. Pin It

Monday, April 20, 2015

Monday Confessions

I confess...I spent a total of 51.5 hours completely on my own this weekend. (Unless you count the arrival of the pizza delivery guy at 4 PM Sunday, then it was only 47 hours.) It was both relaxing and maddening.

I confess...I've been reading these social media marketing books for work and I'm...not learning anything I didn't already know. I'm not sure if the books just aren't good or if I'm really that much more knowledgeable than I thought.

I confess...I just want it to be May already. Pin It

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Absence makes the heart grow...something other than fonder.

I realized last week that for most of March my only posts in this blog were Monday Confessions. I've been so insanely busy with work, Ice & Fire Con, and The Geekiary that this blog - and my writing, to be quite honest - have fallen by the wayside.

But the thing is, even outside of the stress, I'm doing really well. I don't want to mention anything too specific for fear of jinxing things, though (and because I don't want to get ahead of myself) instead I'll give a little recap of what I've been up to ;)

Back in January a few of the Geekiary Girls - me, Yvonne a.k.a. Undie Girl, and Erin - started a webcast! It's called FEELINGS...with the Geekiary, and last week we got to interview Neil Napier (Dr. Peter Farragut from SyFy's Helix)!

I also recorded a couple of videos for The Geekiary's SDCC fundraiser - first I tried to explain Supernatural (I've not seen much of it outside of the first season), and then I dressed up as Cersei Lannister and went on a wine-fueled adventure :)

Another thing that took up a good bit of my time was creating masterpost pages on The Geekiary, for Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead. (Told you I'd been doing a lot of stuff for The Geekiary!) As a side note, although I didn't create it we also have an Arrow masterpost that I've contributed to quite a bit. And as always the rest of my Geekiary articles can be easily found via my author page.

Meanwhile, Ice & Fire Con approacheth!

My costume plans are all set, too - I'm basically just waiting to receive the last few items I ordered. I even made a half-assed collage of what I'll be wearing...

Last but not least, my new obsession is this basketball anime called Kuroko no Basuke. I have my friends Ashley, Keith, and Brian to thank for this mess. I honestly never thought I would love an anime this much, especially one about basketball considering I've never been a big basketball fan (well, minus the UConn women...go Huskies!) And yet here I am, soaking up BASUKESSS like there's no tomorrow...and even planning on cosplaying from it. So yup, clearly I'm hooked. There's no going back now.

I mean, how could this not peak your interest in BASUKESSSS? ;)

In the end, it's clear that this blog has fallen by the wayside and to be completely honest that may not change anytime soon. I've never really believed that absence makes the heart grow fonder, anyway...but I hope to pick things back up eventually. P.S. Anyone want to help me move this thing over to Wordpress? ;)
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Monday, April 6, 2015

Monday Confessions

I confess...that it was awesome having a Sunday night off from watching/reviewing TV shows. Back to it this coming Sunday, though... (Game of Thrones! Eep!)

I confess...every time I feel like I've finished an Ice & Fire Con costume, I remember yet another thing that I need to make/buy. And there's only 38 days to go now!

I confess...I'm maybe kind of a little bit addicted to Kuroko no Basuke. Never thought I'd say something like that about an anime... Pin It